Hello all!  And welcome to my page.

Losing my sweet mother in 2016 was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through.   As soon as we heard the word "cancer" my heart sank.  But I knew she needed me now more than ever.  I dropped everything, told work I was taking the month off and headed to Vanderbilt to be there with her.  During that month at Vanderbilt when she was going through intense chemo, she was encouraged to walk.  So I can remember night after night, us walking the square of the Leukemia floor, sometimes in the middle of the night, and just talking.  I would tell her I loved her and she me.  However, there was also this sense of fear that loomed in the air, the sense of the unknown.  We had faith and high hopes that we would get through this, but always lingering in the back was the fear of what was to come, whether the chemo would work, what problems tomorrow would face.  I tried to be as supportive as possible, constantly telling my mom I loved her, that I was so thankful God had blessed me with such an amazing woman to raise me, and that I was there for her.  From getting her jello and helping to rush her into the bathroom with her IV drip, to just getting her a glass of water, I wanted her to know I was there.  However, I never opened up about my fears, my anxiety, and kept it all in because I wanted to be a rock for her and let her talk, even though I tried to understand I had no idea what she was going through.

It has been 6 years since my mom's passing and I finally have the courage to open up.  When my mom passed, I went to a really dark place.  I had no more joy or excitement in life.  I was angry and just couldn't comprehend the "why."  Why did the chemo not work, why did she get an infection, why would she not be at my wedding some day.  I got so low that I became someone I did not even recognize and my firm mandated I go see a counselor, which angered me even more.  I am not afraid to say, Gilda's saved me.  I am so thankful for Megan Cleveland for telling me about the club, and asking if I wanted to be on the board.  To see the tremendous impact this organization has, and the lives it touches, I truly believe a higher power guided me here.  I also see what I did not have, and what my mom did not have at the time, which is a community of people going through the same thing, having the same fears, anxieties, and a safe and supportive place to open up and know that you are not alone.

With that said, thank you all for being willing to donate!  I went Over The Edge last year in memory of my mom and what rush it was.  As I leaned back to start my decent, the safety engineer said "Let Go and Trust the Rope."  I remember thinking "you climb over here and YOU let go and Trust the Rope."  But as I stood there, about to take the plunge, it hit me what my mom, and all the people on a cancer journey have to do, they have to have Faith.  It is so hard to trust in something that you do not have complete control over.  I could control my rate of descent, and whether I looked down, but couldn't control whether the rope held me or if the safety stand was sturdy.  The same with the people in Gilda's Club.  They can control how they face cancer, but cannot control some of the things surrounding it, which is why I am so thankful to be on the board of this great organization.  Ever since losing my mom on her cancer journey, Gilda's has been a place of healing for me.  To be able to help others on their journey, to provide a nice meal, a place to talk, comfort that what they are experiencing of friends and family is normal, and letting them know they are not on the journey alone, is nourishment for the soul.  I only need to raise $1000 to go over the edge but set my goal to $2500 because i want to provide a member of Gilda's Club an opportunity to go over as well. Thanks for helping me reach my goal.